Little issues at 221b
by CityHunterRK
Summary: Sherlock is not as strong as we think he is
1. Chapter 1

Shotguns, firings, bullets, people lying down, the battlefield. Everything was blur and confused as John was on the floor, unable to get up. He could barely hear anything except the loud noises of explosions. He could feel his own self leaving, there, staring at the sky that was getting whiter and whiter. Was that it? Was that the end of his life ? All of this, just to die in the end ? Although he was aware that committing into the army in Afghanistan was most likely a death sentence, however he used to have little hopes. Then a thought came to him : how would react all his relatives ? How would Sherlock react ? Wait. Sherlock ? Why Sherlock, they hadn't even met at that time. A dream, that's what it is, just a dream.

John woke up with a big inspiration, had a hard time opening his eyes and could feel his heart beating fast. But however, this was completed with a feeling of peacefulness, sort of. The relief of not being dead, and not to leave his loved ones. He got up, checked the hour : 4am, and went into the kitchen as he couldn't fall asleep.

It's without any surprise that he found Sherlock experimenting stuff. This man was never tired, at least he didn't show it. Always experimenting stuff, solving cases or thinking. John even wondered if he had once slept more than a couple of hours.

"Can't sleep huh? John asked looking at his partner.

\- nope, I'm getting bored really fast in my bed so I thought I'd try a new experiment, Sherlock answered.

\- mh, okay. Are we running out of tea ?

\- Oh yeah, take mine I wont finish it"

He took it a bit awkwardly though, he didn't usually share stuff like food or drinks with Sherlock but nevermind.

Sherlock sat for a few minutes, he looked a bit exhausted, John was drinking his tea without giving any notice to his partner.

\- John. said Sherlock, his hand on his forehead looking pale.

\- what do you... Sherlock? You're looking... quite bad, is everything okay ?

\- Get me to my room, now.

He attempted to get up but quickly fell back on his chair, though John came to hold him by the arm and shoulder. Sherlock held John's hand tight, the Doctor was a bit surpised by this but the matter now was to take his friend to his room.

Once they got here, he helped him lie down his bed, put the blankets on him.

Sherlock had his eyes closed and breathed heavily. He didn't let go of John's hand.

\- Do you need anything ? Water ? asked the doctor.

\- No, just... keep holding... my hand...

John could feel that Sherlock was a bit intimidated to ask that but also in a difficult position, he was about to faint.

So John kept his hand in his and they stayed still for a few minutes until Sherlock's breath came back to normal, he sighed.

\- Sherlock what was that all about ?

\- something... nevermind.

\- I think you are way too tired and you staying up late at night isn't the best thing you could do to yourself.

\- I don't care about that, that's no the matter... now leave me alone please

\- You sure it's not about the lack of sleep?

\- Yes I'm sure, John. And even if it was who cares.

\- Your bloody doctor, Sherlock. I don't like seeing you like this.

\- My doctor or my friend ?

John was a bit surprised by this question.

\- Your doctor of course...

\- My doctor of course. Yeah. Sure, now can I have some space ?

\- Just rest, and don't neglect yourself, please.

\- I'm not.

\- I wouldn't be too sure of that.

\- Listen, said Sherlock rising up a bit to look John in the eyes, this, is not the lack of sleep, this is...

\- this is what ? Inquired John

\- Panick attacks. Psychological discomfort, call it what you want.

\- Wait.. you? Having panick attacks ? Oh god Sherlock it's insane. You, the unsensitive, i-dont-care-about-anyone-or-anything man, has fears ? Anxiety? Come on, he let a laugh escape

\- Yeah now leave me alone.

Sherlock clearly didn't like sharing parts of himself like this, it was as if he got naked in front of an unknown crowd.

\- Okay, okay sorry. But why didn't you tell me about those ?

\- because I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to remember it, and most of all I want to forget every feeling I've ever had. That's why.


	2. Chapter 2

\- Well get some rest you need it, let's talk about this later...

John sighed.

He turned the lights off and left Sherlock's room.

He sat in his chair in the living room, with his tea. Thinking. Of course there must have been something for Sherlock to become like this. You don't become a cold unsensitive asshole just like that, something must had happened. But what? And was it linked with his panick attacks ?

He wished Sherlock would trust him enough to tell him, but getting through this man's shell was almost impossible.

Interrupted by some noises from Sherlock's room, John stood up and decided to go check on his friend.

What he saw this time hurt him, a lot. Sherlock was hitting the walls with his fists, you could see the anger on his face, all red and the eyes wet.

\- Sherlock what the hell are you doing ? said John running toward him trying to stop him from hurting himself.

"I HATE this. " were the only words his roommate said.

\- Come on, calm down, come with me... John put a hand on his shoulder, the other on his arm, look what you've done to yourself...

Sherlock's hand were bleeding.

Both men sat down and John brought some first aid box, taking care of Sherlock's wounds.

\- You know, Sherlock... it kinda hurts me to see you like this... talk to me, please... he said, looking right into the detective's eyes.

\- There are nights like those, when everything comes right back into my face, every feeling that I tried to forget, every memories I wanted to erase. All that stuff comes back in a very random moment and here I am like a bloody child, weak.

\- Listen... John blushed. There is one thing that works against this. Just... mh, let me... well, it's your doctor speaking of course. So just do as I say and lie down.

Sherlock wasn't really confident but he did it anyway.

\- Now close your eyes.

He did it.

Suddenly he felt another body on his back. John was lying down next to him, well, he was really close. Sherlock wasn't used to this but it didn't feel awkward at all, bizarrely. It even felt comforting. Then he could feel John's hand cuddling his arms.

\- John.

\- Y..yeah ?

\- One thing. Just... don't mention it... to... people.

\- of course not, doctor-patient confidentiality.

Sherlock closed his eyes and finally let himself falling asleep, now he wasn't alone anymore. John was there to face those rough nights with him.


End file.
